I’ve been in my own lock-down of
sorts. No cable, no internet, no
landline. Couldn’t see or answer emails
or look on-line for gigs. Couldn’t
attend the poetry workshops I’m part of on Zoom. Couldn’t post blogs. No virtual auditions. No television. I realized how one could actually go crazy in
solitary. I was able to get incoming
calls, thankfully. Of course I can go
outside; I’m not in jail. But compared
to having access to everything, it felt like just a taste of lock-down (without
the hostile cellmates or spouses).
Then my buddy/brother-by-choice came to
my rescue with an antenna that allowed me to get some television air channels. Though I couldn’t see Wheel of Fortune (which is my favorite game show), it was a big
relief to get any channels. I hadn’t
realized how dependent I am on TV. Without
it, I am at the mercy of my thoughts which I have to sometimes battle.
I then decided I’m going to get rid of
cable, so my bill should be significantly less if I only have internet and
landline. I have to get my finances in
better shape because right now I’ve been sinking. My landlord (who has been patient with me)
sold the building. Now I have to get it
right (paying rent at the beginning of the month). Geez.
The new property manager called me and left a message about my March
rent being late. Lordy Lordy. I returned her call and was relieved to get
her voicemail. I left a polite message
including an apology.
I could have used this time
productively, but I rarely did.
Sometimes, I made myself declutter (Goddess knows I need to). I found things, including poems I had written,
that I hadn’t seen in quite a while. I also
filled two bags with clutter to get rid of.
Those moments felt victorious. But
much of the time felt like I was just so cut off from so much.
After falling behind on bills, it
snowballed. And it got harder and harder
to get back on track. I have spent the
majority of my life living on the edge financially. As long as I managed to scrape by, I didn’t
let it bring me down. I’ve lived through
way worse than financial problems. But
now, it felt like I could lose my apartment.
I’ve lived here since I was 21 years old. I cannot afford to live anywhere else in my
city. One room in someone’s house would
cost more than my rent for this apartment.
I am entitled to more benefits than I have applied for, so I have to get
on the ball.
Another long-time good friend/angel on
Earth came to my rescue with a loan of a month’s rent. She has always been an amazing human being. Many Pre-K kids in Brooklyn were lucky to
have her for their first teacher.
When I finally get my internet back, I’m
going to have hundreds or thousands of emails to get through. I look forward to seeing what I’ve been
missing.
Now, for good news, I am in Paul
Hallasy’s Eat Drink Laugh show on Saturday, April 5th at 9pm
at Pangea, 178 Second Avenue between 11th
and 12th Streets, NYC. $10
cover in advance; $15 cover at the door.
$20 minimum food/drink. Food is
excellent. Laughter guaranteed! I say this is a great event for a date – nothing
better than eating, drinking, laughing, noticing what makes the other laugh
(you learn a lot from that), and taking it from there.
https://cur8.com/23871/project/130494
UPDATE: I'm back and got rid of 723 emails!
Hope to see you and hear you laughing on Saturday night. It's always a good show.
Loads
of love to CGG-M ❤❤❤
Mindy
Matijasevic
March
2025
