I slept most of Thanksgiving Day. People called and left messages on my land line’s answering machine. I heard the messages as they came in. One was from a friend and former co-worker, Steven. He said that he hoped I wasn’t alone.
Thanksgiving was typically a hard holiday for me since childhood. It’s very family-oriented, and I had a hard family experience. Then it continued to feel like a sad holiday for me with the exception of the years my once-friend Brenda invited me to join her family. She had two adorable children, and I had a wonderful toddler. She had a high chair in her apartment, so we were set. My son loved being with her children. His cheeks were covered with mashed potatoes by the end of the meal.
Those were precious times, but, for me, the holiday always felt difficult. Eventually Brenda moved away in more ways than one. I was in an unhappy situation, so no matter what went on for the holiday, I felt sad. Years later, more developments happened that just made the holiday worse. Eventually, I began to act as if it weren’t a holiday, and I treated it as any other day.
A friend in New Jersey, Barbara, had invited me for Thanksgiving, but I don't eat indoors with other people at this time. Too risky for me. So I declined.
As I sleepily listened to my friend Steven’s message saying he hoped I wasn’t alone, I thought, no that’s fine. I’ve had Thanksgivings spent with a person who claimed to love me and made me miserable.
Being alone was fine. It is COVID-free, and I do whatever I care to and eat whatever I feel like. I can choose to not get dressed, watch whatever I want on TV, write, sleep, clean, whatever. I'm not dealing with anyone else's hostility. Of course it can be better, and I hope next year it will be. But I wasn’t feeling bad about being alone. I’ve been way lonelier when not alone.
My best buddy and I spoke on the phone later that night. I ate pizza. He had oral surgery two days before, so he had Ensure for Thanksgiving. But we had our 40+-year-friendship and laughter on the phone (aside from grumbling about everything). I’d give up a fancy dinner for that any day.
Much love to CGG-M ❤❤❤
I love your Thanksgiving! A day of peace and pizza sounds great to me.
ReplyDeleteThanks for appreciating. I wasn't particularly down, which is progress, so I was thankful. But I am thankful every day for waking and breathing, my loved ones waking and breathing, etc.
ReplyDeleteI was at home when my ex showed up with a home cooked meal! I live by Penn Station and she cane all the way from Co-Op City! We practiced socially distancing while enjoying this lovely meal. We gave thanks for a roof over our heads, for food on our tables, for good health( she's a frontline health care heorine who cares for premature babies), for love and loved ones, etc. We prsyed for all those who are not so blessed too. Later that evening, I had Uber see her safely home.
ReplyDeleteFyi..as for myself...I am never alone cuz God is my constant companion 😊❤🙏
PS: SORRY about the typos
ReplyDeleteWow Melinda, what a nice surprise you received. It's great that you both care about each other whether a couple or not. That is wonderful and shows the true colors of both of you.
ReplyDeleteAmen hon, after 30 years together, the least we can be now is the best of besteeeees💜
DeleteMy ex, after many years together, incited two people to want me dead. And he didn't want the break-up supposedly (he just wanted me to stay to be treated poorly). So he managed to punish me for saving my own life. He also showed his true colors.
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