Reminded

I admit, on an ordinary day where I’m just running to the store or doing laundry or whatever, I tend to go around looking crappy.  In my younger years, I would not have even gone to the lobby to check the mail without fussing with make-up, etc.  But in later years, it feels like a vacation from street harassment to just look plain to unattractive.  I get to walk around as a person.  No one expressing lust or hostility or lust and hostility as I get a prescription filled, take out garbage, get a slice of pizza.  It feels rather peaceful.

Then again, if I run into someone I haven’t seen in a long time, I sometimes feel like damn, why couldn’t I have looked good today.  Why can’t I look good and have peace?  Oh yeah, the patriarchy.

Yesterday I was meeting with a photographer who wants to expand her 

work to include mature people.  She liked my look with my silver hair and wanted to photograph me.  I’d receive new head shots and a small payment for my time.  I’m lucky that over the years, most of my photos have been free. 

So yesterday, I looked good and headed out toward the D train.  A male 

voice from behind me:  “I like your hair.”  As he was alongside me, I acknowledged him with a nod.  He continued, pointing to the gray hair in his own beard, “I like that gray.  Be proud.  With all we been through, we earned it.”  And he continued on his way.

I had to smile to myself.  It didn’t feel like harassment even though he 

probably wouldn’t have said that to a gray-haired man.  It didn’t feel lustful and dangerous.  Nothing about his tone or his movements felt threatening.  Some older men are more aware and sane than their younger selves.

I met the photographer at the High Line near 9^th Avenue.  We had a good 

session.  She was very enthusiastic which helped me get it up.  When I’m not engaged with anyone (like on the train ride downtown), I tend to live deep inside, and my face looks sad or angry.  It takes inner work to not look that way.  Her enthusiasm helped.  I’ll receive the photos in about a week.  Looking forward to it.

I got back to my Bronx in the evening.  I picked up food and was heading 

home when another older man (this one more out there than the earlier guy) who was sitting on his stoop, said, “Hello sexy mama.”  That didn’t feel the same as the earlier man’s words as it isn’t something one should say to a stranger.  I normally would’ve zipped past.  This is someone who I see regularly in the neighborhood, so I nodded hello with a bit of a sigh.  I’m tired of fighting, but I would’ve preferred it if he’d just have said “hello.”  Then he added, “I know you were fine in your day because you’re still fine now.” 

I felt he was using restraint and keeping it clean.  He is probably a better 

version of himself than he must’ve been in his younger years.  I didn’t feel concerned that he’d be following me or any of that.  That’s a big difference from how it felt when I was younger.  However, the whole thing reminded me of how much less mental privacy I have outside when I look good.  I’m usually not up for it. 

Happy birthday to my mother in Heaven.  5/25.  You live inside of me.  I have a candle 

burning for you today.

Love to CGG-M every day! 

I'm "A Mobster's Wife"

Hey people.  The series I’m cast in shoots a scene I’m in next week.  Exciting!  Then another scene in June that I’m in.  I play a mobster’s wife.  LOL.  It’s funny to me because I don’t want to be anyone’s wife in real life, never mind a mobster’s.  My ex was problematic enough.  I like being my own wife.  She’s great.  Not in the housework department, but that’s not the most important thing.

This Friday, I am going to be working on a sizzle reel that began last 

summer.  We thought we were done shooting, but more is needed.  I’m glad we are going to see this to completion.  I’m dying to see the footage and use it in a reel.  I cried on camera when we shot last summer.  The scene was with my angry “son” and it echoed much of real life, so it was easy to cry.  It actually would have been harder not to cry.  I received a lot of praise for my acting, but I felt compelled to tell them I was actually reacting.  The director told me that was what good acting is.

I admit I haven’t been on the comedy stage in a while.  I also haven’t 

written new material in quite a while.  I have to work on that. 

Lots of challenges in my life.  Trying to just blog about the positive.  But 

things are not just hunky dory.  I’m grateful for many things.  But I have many challenges.

To all those who are feeling depressed, limit how much news you watch.  

Put on a game show or a comedy or turn off the tv.  It’s toxic to have a narcissist in the White House supposedly leading the country.  I know this on many levels.  Seriously.

For those of you who like to plan ahead, mark your calendars for 

September 13^th.  I’m putting together a comedy show on City Island.  It’s a lovely area of the Bronx – a fishing community. 

http://starvingartistonline.com/

I would love to see you there.  Details to come.  Laughter absolutely 

guaranteed.

With appreciation, Mindy

Love to CGG-M 

Things Are Happenin'

Many of you know my good news, but for those of you who don’t …

https://www.facebook.com/mobmentalitytheseries/videos/1217495188420221/

My role is a recurring one.  I feel encouraged.  I also feel blessed because 

the director is definitely a special person.  When auditioning, her presence allowed me to do my best.  From the moment she said hello, I felt her spirit like sunshine warming me. 

The last time I had a director whose presence made me feel like that was 

at a teaching job.  I was lucky to have her for four years.  I may have done some of my best work at that job when she was there.  It’s something about feeling appreciated.  It makes a huge difference.

Last night I had an interesting interaction with someone I’m connected 

with on Facebook but never met in real life.  He lives down South but grew up in Manhattan (NYC).  He does comedy.  I do comedy.  I didn’t know he does comedy when I saw his post that he wanted to do a documentary on a topic I believe is crucial.  I was reminded of a book from many years ago.  I responded to his post about the book.  He very excitedly responded back that he had loved that book, forgot about it, and thanked me for reminding him.  Later he private messaged me. 

Well, he has friends in Manhattan, and he heard my name numerous times 

as a comic.  So when I commented on his post, he had recognized my name, and I am flabbergasted!!!  He wants to coordinate something down South and wants me to be a part of it. 

I feel so validated.  When I started out in comedy -- maybe I just 

connected with folks who I’m not in sync with, but I felt like an outsider.  I felt like I’d landed in a male locker room.  One talented woman chose not to work with me because she “didn’t want to upset the guys.”  If Richard Pryor allowed upsetting the whites stop him, we’d never have heard him.  Others backed off without being so honest.  Another would introduce me at a mic as a “feminist” in a tone that sounded like a warning.  Some young guys were threatened and unkind.  Several mature men told me that as you rise up, that shit doesn’t go on as much.  I was grateful to hear that and thrilled to feel supported.

Some uptight people  didn’t like my language.  I’m rated R.  Maybe R+.  Other folks (audience members) told me they liked how I talked to them and not at them.  My adult students liked that about me as well.

My experience doing comedy was different than some others.  I had been 

a teacher of adult students when I began, I had already been a poet, writer, and actress, and comedy was an avenue of free expression to me.  I wasn’t in need of laughs as much as in need of expressing certain things.  Of course I made it funny.  Laughs happened. 

I'm not in comedy to do knock-knock jokes.  I have shit to say.  I don't pick on people who society has already squashed -- that doesn't make me laugh.  If it doesn't make me laugh, I don't use it.  Shedding light on the oppressors is where my material lies.

Hearing that I’m being spoken of in other parts of the country is exhilarating!!!  

(love to CGG-M)