Not Only Is the Devil Always Busy, So Is the Goddess

A few months ago, a man reached me through an on-line casting website 

where my subscription had expired months before.  His email began, 

“Let’s discuss you doing the lead …”

I was surprised his message got through to me.  Though I could see the 

listings, I couldn’t apply to anything because I wasn’t paid up for the year.  I wanted to be connected again, but I couldn’t spare the money.  So I really didn’t think anyone could find me through that site anymore.  But he did.

It was for a sizzle reel to be shown to show runners down the line.  There 

was no mention of money up front.  I’d have to take off from my job.  It seemed like it would all happen in New Jersey.  I don’t drive.  I hit reply and began my email, “I really appreciate your interest, but I won’t be available for …”  I stopped and asked myself why I was saying no.  I had no other acting gig going on.  I was mainly working my day job and doing stand-up comedy.  I actually missed acting.  I also realized it is much easier to take time off from the job when we weren’t having classes.  I re-read it and realized there’d be a ride to the location from Manhattan.

I deleted what I wrote and told him the best time to call me.

Fast forward, I met the director and we went to the NJ location where 

the producer worked.  We worked on parts and they saw I had what it would take to pull off the role.  They told me I was a blessing and treated me like royalty.  When they took me out to eat, they upped whatever I ordered.  If I said medium, they ordered large.  What was not offered in money was offered in good feelings.

The following week, we were to work on the shoot with crew and other 

actors.  I overslept, so they came to get me at my Bronx location.  No one wasted energy on being upset with me though I was kidded about being a diva who expected to get door to door service.  I’ve got a long way to go to be a diva, but I laughed and swore I just fucked up and was up too late the night before.

The crew and other actors were very pleasant to work with.  It only takes 

one bitch or bastard to ruin a day, but everyone was cool.  Not a kunt in the crowd.  Can’t say my other days at the day job felt like that.  So though I was working, I felt like I was on vacation.

One of the scenes involved a young adult son and I having a confrontation.  I knew this was really going to be heartfelt because of the parallels with my real life son.  I had real anxiety.  The actor was amazingly convincing, and as soon as I heard the pain in his angry voice, my eyes filled with tears and poured out.  After his rant, he asked for a hug.  We hugged hard.  I wished it was my son who I was hugging.  My tears ran down my face.  The camera stayed on me up close and very personal. 

After the director said, “Cut,” I, while crying and a bit of laughing, asked, 

“Can we eat now?”  Everyone laughed.  I wiped my face, and we all ate pizza with a variety of toppings.

The producer’s son and other family members gave me so many 

compliments on my acting.  I awkwardly thanked them.  I didn’t feel it was my acting as much as my reacting to the amazing performance by the one playing my son.  When I told the director that, he said that was what good acting is – letting it all deep inside and truly reacting.  He said I was outstanding, surpassed his expectations, and that it was because I was in the moment.

I felt there is a God/dess looking out.  I felt therapy was brought to me 

since I can’t financially afford to go to it.  Additionally, I felt that this was put out into the universe, and I hoped so much my son could feel it -- my solid raw love for him.

To be continued …