I was running a little late due to my train going local when I
went to a comedy open mic that was for females only. Well, it actually said “ladies only” but
these were women, not ladies. I could
hear the laughter from a distance. And
though I was late and willing to just watch, I was put on the list and made to
feel welcome. However, as I sat there
listening, I wondered why I still didn’t feel like I found my peeps. I liked different individuals, and I loved
the loud laughter in the room. People
didn’t hold back like at other mics. The
room was roaring when people were funny.
I just felt so disconnected from all the wanting-a-date
material. I feel kind of victorious for
how long I’ve managed to keep my romantic distance from men.
When I had met the man I eventually married (after getting
pregnant by him and needing health coverage), I knew I wasn’t done with my own
development enough yet to enter a life-long relationship with a partner. Yet I couldn’t manage to get out of it. I believed if I had allowed myself the time to
continue healing and growing, I’d have gotten involved with a more suitable
person for me. I was in my twenties and
part of a writing group when he and I met.
At first, he was so intrigued how four women kept a writing group going
for years and produced so much writing.
He claimed a group of male artists he was in couldn’t do it. He said it always became a yelling
session.
He seemed truly in awe of us
being able to inspire and support each other.
Fast forward a year or two, and you can count on every other Sunday
(when our group met) he being very depressed and somewhat suicidal.
I’d still go to the writing group, but it
would change the entire experience.
I
was right back in my childhood.
All us
kids outside playing tag or hide and seek, cheeks all rosy, lots of laughter
and sweating, everyone seeming to be having so much fun, and I always worried
if someone was getting hurt in my house.
Would my aunt kill my grandma that day?
Was my mother being terrorized?
“Tag,
you’re it!”
I heard so many women at this mic seem to think they needed a
boyfriend when I wanted to congratulate them for not being in a relationship
and instead allowing themselves the air to breathe and space to grow.
Our ages are different and our hormone levels are likely
different too. These are healthy women
born with a libido and wanting to have sex.
As some pointed out, that becomes difficult when you have standards. I guess in my younger years, there was no
shortage of men wanting to have sex with me.
What I feel gypped of is spending my time and energy and love on me and
my passions.
If you’d like to come, laugh, and support…
The other night, I was in the Village after attending a
wonderful Great Weather for Media
reading at KGB Bar on East 4th.
I decided to walk to the West Village, and as I did, I caught a glimpse
of someone who has become a part of comedy herstory. (Too bad I couldn’t take a decent shot.)
(3
blurred shots of Sarah Silverman)
