After
someone raged at me verbally on the phone some time ago and told me not to call, email, or
text any long messages, she went on to text me obsessively the next day -- long texts.
I
was noticing that the worse accusations and descriptions someone did of me, the
more they regretted it. I saw the explosion as a big window
into how the person really feels. (Sometimes it is obviously a self-portrait. Rare to find people who know themselves well enough not to have to do that.) They
make it easier for me to let them go. It’s
usually someone I’d made allowances for in my head in spite of some of their
behavior. Typically I’ve defended them
or made excuses for them to people who they turned off. (I’m still learning and will continue to as
long as my brain works. It’s more of an
emotional learning than a reading comprehension thing. I read very well. That isn’t the problem.)
So,
being we had to work together again, I remained civil on my end. I also saw that much of what this person said
to me were projections as I’m sure these were things that had been said to her. Many of the things fit her more than they did me. I felt like I met the emotionally abusive
side of her mother. I do believe she
meant some of what she said. Much was
meant to be hurtful as opposed to helpful.
I was relieved in a way to hear many of my suspicions confirmed. Phoniness is more disturbing and eerie to me
than many things. It felt better in a
way to have heard her rage than her fake niceties.
“Well,
it’s good to know how you really feel. See
you at the show. It'll be your last show as you stated. Bye.” I ended the call but never raised my voice or
anything. I could, in those silent seconds,
hear her regret.
For
whatever reasons, she needed to push me away.
Okay. I accepted that. I had my own reasons to feel it was a
blessing in disguise.
The
next day, her texts came in waves. Six
at a time. (It’s possible it was less on
her end but I get a limited amount of characters in a text, so it continues in
another text.) She shared what her day
had been like the day before (which involved being with the family she came
from and under stressful conditions – then I felt even more sure I met her
mother in a way), but she never said she was sorry, never acknowledged dumping it on me, never owned what she did.
That’s her m.o. Her texts sounded
like a child desperately not wanting the person she dissed to be mad at
her. She kept finding ways to kiss my
ass. She said whatever she thought I’d
want to hear. If she had meant it, it
would be a whole different story and I wouldn’t think of it as ass-kissing. I felt disgusted, and I also felt sorry for
her, but I didn’t answer her texts until I thought I should let her know I
received them. I thought maybe then she’d
stop. So I sent a text saying, “Ok.” It stopped for a few hours.
Later,
another wave of texts came. She claimed
she was praying for me. Oh Lord. I was tempted to tell her to keep her prayers
to herself. Based on the things she had
said the day before, I was sure she’d be praying for the wrong stuff. She tried many things I guess in an attempt
to make me not angry with her. But she
didn’t try anything like, “I said some awful things to you yesterday, you didn’t
deserve it, and I am so sorry.” Though I still probably wouldn’t want more to
do with her, if it were sincere, she’d still be sorry for how she behaved to
me. It wouldn’t be based on if she got
what she wanted or not.
At
some point, I again needed her texts to stop.
I texted, “I’m not fighting with you.
I heard you clearly yesterday. We
will get through the show.”
Maybe
my calm resolve bothered her. She texted
again. “Life is short. Wear a smile.”
Now
she was pushing it, really pushing it. That
was the moment it took so much not to tell her, “Fuck you. I smile when something makes me smile. Now if you wear a tampon up your ass, that
would be funny and make me smile.”
No, Mindy, don’t. She’s a victim of herself. Let it be.
She wears smiles. It looks
mask-like. We all cope in whatever way we can.
Don’t even say a thing.
But
today when I watched this video someone sent me, I was reminded of that. I couldn’t help but think that’s
who wears smiles – the wife of a
serial rapist portraying an unreal image of marital bliss.
WOW! Healthy Boundaries are necessary for a Healthy Life. Take Good Care of yourself, YOU are WORTHY!
Thank you. ((hug))
I'd be worried about me if I smiled on demand. Even as an actress, if you just 'wear' a smile, it is bad acting. The mouth is stretched, teeth are showing, but the eyes are not smiling. It's eerie when people do that in real life. So even in an acting role, one is supposed to connect with something that really makes you smile. Then the smile (if it genuinely appears) is believable. Believable is good acting. Cosby's wife makes me sad. She wears a plastered smile while her husband refuses to answer about any of the many rapes he committed. The person I had the conflict with would probably respect Mrs. Cosby wearing a smile. I would respect her spitting in the face of Mr. Cosby. It's a basic personality difference.
Jeez, that much texting could cause carpal tunnel & blow up your data usage!