To the person who told
me that my shows were unprofessional and amateurish, that I talk to you like I
write my blog (as if that were a bad thing), that I am high and mighty, that no
one will want to work with me, that I hate everyone, that I am rage-filled, that
I micro-manage and then I vanish, that I’m no friend of yours, that I’m no
partner to you, that I’m not nice to you or to your daughter, that I should
wake up because no one cares how I feel and that you sure don’t give a fuck,
that you wouldn’t do another show (but wanted to know why I was in charge),
that I should simply say everything is fine and “wear a smile,” who has a
problem with the people who provide a space for us to have our shows because
they don’t take your orders either, and who insisted you wouldn’t read another
email, text, or listen to a long message,
STOP texting and
emailing me and trying to get back on my “unprofessional” show. I have no interest in working with you. What is not clear? I - HAVE - NO - INTEREST - IN - WORKING -
WITH - YOU.
A couple of years before
all this, you contacted me and wanted me to get a certain book and work
together writing material. We set a
date. When the day came, I called you
several times trying to confirm our plan and find out the location. You never called me back that day. You wasted my day. I didn’t make other plans since I had a
commitment with you. When we finally
made contact, you said, “I totally understand why you decided not to make the
trip.” Does that sound like a fucking
friend to you? Do you even know what
friends sound like??? That sounds like a
narcissist who won’t accept responsibility for their actions. A FRIEND says things like, “Oh shit, I fucked
up. I’m so sorry. I forgot about our plans.
You bought the book? Let’s
reschedule. I’m so sorry. I swear I won’t fuck this up.” But you probably don’t know what friendship –
real friendship – sounds like. You’d
have to be one to have some.
You admitted I
consistently brought in the most audience.
You said that you don’t know how I manage that. Well, much of what you complain about, others
like about me. Imagine that. They are glad I don’t “wear smiles” but
actually have smiles. They like talking to someone who isn’t full
of shit. They welcome how refreshing
that is in this bullshit society. I’m
actually surprised you don’t have more friends of the bullshiggity kind since
they are so plentiful.
You tried to get me to
cancel a show a day before the show. I
consider THAT unprofessional. I
refused. It’s MY show and my reputation
on the line when comics have scheduled their time and people have bought
tickets and planned their night. The world does not revolve around your fits and tantrums and selfishness.
You want me to like a
comic because she is someone you want to connect with, and if I
don’t care for her empty promises and hostile comedy, you decide I am the one
who is rage-filled. I somehow still
think the person making fun of portions of society who are already down is the
one with the rage problem. And maybe
some other problems too that would even lead someone to kick those who are already
down. Then you get angry with those who
don’t like bullying and racism.
Cute. Says something about you that
I didn’t want to believe. Talk about unprofessional – wanting to book people
because you want your daughter and their son to hook up. Fuck the quality of the show. Not on my watch. Not on my show. My goal for a show is to make it one I’d want
to attend. That is why, according to a
good comic I credit you for recommending, it is a good show. I don’t want comics who make people feel bad
they spent money for abuse. I am proud
that many of my audience members come back for more of my “unprofessional and
amateurish” show.
You have complimented
my blog over and over. So was that
bullshit like much of what you express or are you jealous and attacking me for
being able to write as real as I am? You
ACCUSED me of talking to you like I write my blog. Maybe you are right and I shouldn’t give you
the respect of honesty. You want fake
smiles. I’m not your gal. You told
me life is short and to “wear a smile.” Life IS short, so be real. You might make a
friend who is also real. Right now you
can’t appreciate such a relationship nor do you deserve it. You don’t treasure what that means.
You say I’m no friend
of yours. I was more of a friend to you
than you are capable of being to anyone because you are a user. And if people don’t do as you want, you throw
a tantrum. I understand frustration and
all kinds of shit, but I want no part of someone who doesn’t own their shit,
who can’t say “I am sorry; I was wrong.”
You are right that life is short.
I want none of what remains of mine to be putting up with crap like
yours.
I originally lost a comic
because the person wouldn’t work with YOU.
I never told you that. Then yet another
comic had to get me to get you to stop texting her obsessively for something
you wanted. But you claim no one will
want to work with me.
That hasn’t been my
experience in recent years. The people
who don’t want to work with me are people I also don’t care to work with, so
it’s not a problem. Sexists tend to be
scared of my feminism. (You know us
feminists – very scary people fighting for equal pay and day care and
reproductive freedom and to be safe on the streets.) And I get disgusted with them dehumanizing the
gender largely responsible for teaching them to walk and wipe their own
ass. And racists just aren’t funny,
except to other racists. (Not to be
confused with racial. I think Richard
Pryor and Lisa Lampanelli, among others, are very funny.)
When you asked me if I
liked so-and-so, I did not consider our time something to waste with bullshit. I said NO.
I gave you exact reasons. It was
not based on mood or ulterior motives and hidden agendas. I said making fun of a group like they are
out there all sucking men to pay their rent was NOT funny or okay. She was using a low stereotype of a group she
wasn’t familiar with. I said there were
many highly educated members of that group in the audience who do important
work to help others and were guests of mine.
I was sure they didn’t appreciate that.
The comic even complained how “PC” the audience was because perhaps she
couldn’t imagine they were just being real and really fucking disgusted with
the portrayal. That’s MY reputation, not
yours. I do not want to be represented
by those who need to do that. I like
intelligent comics whose life, the news, and their desire for a better world
provide enough material to work with. I
care about those I’m asking to spend their money. I also care about humanity. (That’s probably why you called me “high and
mighty.” I’m sorry for all involved if
you don’t
care about humanity since you work in the helping professions.) When I produce a show, it is a chance to
reach people in a positive way. I am not
going for the kick-the-homeless, Latinas-are-whores, bitches-are-fat-sluts type
of shit. Yes, I have standards and
taste. No, I don’t like everyone’s
comedy equally, nor would I expect you to.
I’ve had people write
me saying how wonderful the shows are as well as telling me what they didn’t
like. I’ve passed along to you the
feedback I’d received because I actually thought you’d want to know. (Silly me.) I consider it so valuable to hear from the
customer. But if what you want is “It
was great” (SMILE), you really shouldn’t ever
want to work with me. My life’s moments
are precious to me, and I can’t fill them with bullshit. I have NEVER appreciated you or anyone
telling me I did great when I did NOT. I
grow from truth, not from fake crap.
You said I am “high and
mighty.” The few people in my life who
have called me that are people who’d like me to lower myself so they can feel
better about themselves.
and
When I saw your phone
number posted in a public place, I wrote you to make sure you knew that it was
visible to the world. It was concern
about your safety. You never even
acknowledged that email. Maybe real
concern about others doesn't register with you.
That was clear when after coming home from 2 jobs on a Thursday night, and
there was a message from you telling me, not asking me, to come to your house
(from the Bronx to Manhattan which would mean getting to you at midnight) to
read instructions on how to use an amp, then go back to the Bronx, nap, get up
and teach, and be ready for the show that night. (Thanks for caring about me and my
safety.) When all along, your friend who
you want me to like the comedy stylings of was in your borough and could afford
a cab. But you didn’t call her and throw
an adolescent tantrum demanding she come rescue you no matter what her reality
is. I am sorry I let that pass. The next time you threw a tantrum, it was at
the people who provide the space for the show.
They no longer cared to deal with you.
I am sorry I let that pass. You
were not made to see how wrong you were.
My mistake. You continue to blame
them rather than look at yourself.
It escalated.
You said horrible
things to me, you want to act like you didn’t, you want to blame me for the
shit you did, now you want to portray things like I threw you out and took
over. It was mine all along. You
were lucky to get all those opportunities.
If I want an emotionally abusive relationship with a user who is
disconnected from others and who refuses to own their own crap, I could’ve
stayed married. At least he paid much of
the bills. You don’t pay any of my
bills. And he didn’t expect me to be
phony. He had that area covered.
When you went off your
rocker telling me how you’d never be in my show again, I was relieved. I don’t want to work with you. I am
not bound to you. I am not
taking anything that isn’t mine. I had a
feeling in my stomach (because I have experience with narcissists) when you
went abusive on the phone that you were disconnected from your own mind and
would act the next day like this never happened. I made sure, upon saying goodbye, to confirm
“This will be your last show.”
I told friends (the
real kind) that because this was so extreme and felt somewhat insane, I sense
this is not over. Practically in chorus,
they said, “For you it is.” Yes, for me,
it is. I am not disconnected from
reality, and I remember every bit of that phone call.
Stop texting me since
you told me you didn’t want any texts from me, stop emailing me for the same
reason (you don’t get to make rules for me and break them the next day,
obsessively texting me), and stop trying to rewrite history. I did much groundwork over a year before the actual
shows on my concept. The concept came to
me while in a conversation with another comic.
That woman later guided me into understanding much of what is
involved in putting on a good show. All
those details I pay attention to -- oh yeah, that you called “micro-managing”
though another comic called it “thorough, and I love thorough.” You claimed in your outburst that I
micro-manage and then I vanish. From my
side of the world, that was doing the tons of things that need to get done and
then entering my two-job week and trying to get sleep too. Not available for your tantrums or sudden
desire for a friend. You want a friend? Be one. I’d suggest you start with someone with whom
you have no history. And don’t expect
what you don’t give, like sincerity.
I always felt it was
wrong and unfair to judge a person by other people’s opinions. I now am re-thinking that.
You did not come up
with the name as you try to now claim. I
presented the name I had for it for over a year. (I even was on a local cable TV show being
interviewed about it in 2013, over a year before being in your living room. The
interviewer said she loved the name. The
video exists. Reality.) You checked on line 16 months later to see if
the name was in use. We added 2 words to
the title (one being of) because a support group was
using the name. Thank you for
fact-checking. That does not make you the creator of my
show. You want to now say we were
partners. On the phone you very clearly
said I was no partner of yours. You were
stressed out and offended if I spoke to you as a partner. You only wanted fake niceties. Truth, to you, was “toxic.”
As you stated, you
wouldn’t do another of my “unprofessional and amateurish” shows, so stop trying
to steal my “unprofessional and amateurish” creation. Stop trying to write on the page that it
isn’t mine. Stop trying to claim something
that is, as you expressed, not up to your standards. You deserve better according to you. According to your opinion, you could do much better
and get lots of venues. So go
do something better! Don’t
take from those you see as beneath you. What
are you saying about yourself? Book whoever’s
ass you are willing to kiss for various reasons that have nothing to do with
quality. Continue to order around and
piss off the managers of the places, and throw a fit when they don’t take
orders from you. Bring your laptop with
the bandaid on it (a very professional touch).
Don’t acquaint yourself with the bouncers. Have three people in the audience. Wear a smile, and say it was great. Enjoy your life. You are right that life is short. Why spend it
battling someone who gave you many performing opportunities in front of a real
audience? Create what you
consider wonderful, and leave me the fuck alone.
You claim you can’t
have stress. When I asked you to click
and invite people to a show because ticket sales were dragging, apparently that
was stressful. Your sense of entitlement
stresses me out. When you quit a job in a raging fit (and most
of us have done it), don’t expect to go back (that’s the part you don’t seem to
get).
*
*I do not endorse the
very last lines. But in general, the
clip captures a lot of what happened here attitudinally.
Embrace yourself. Go where it's warm...where you are celebrated and no tolerated. When people spew negatives at you..simply let them goes as you would let go of bad wind passed in your presence. You have no control of it..or them. Just move on.
Tried. Most of it was her own negatives. Now she wanted to pull a George Costanza. A whole lotta balls. As the boss in the clip said, "I want you out of here."
Whew! Seems you have gone more than the extra mile. Onward & upward! BTW Thanks for supporting my play.
Rhonda and readers in general, upon re-reading this I realize it may not be clear that I did not go downtown to the person's house that night after 2 jobs and needing to work in the morning, etc. I see where it might not be clear. I was taken aback at the demand. There was no regard for anyone else's reality. I understand feeling desperate and even calling. But not the attitude.
Life is too precious to waste time on idiots.Long blog but very intense. I like the George Constanza clip.