Even the tiniest things...

 

I woke up one morning and was about to turn on the shower when I saw something dark in the bathtub.  It was a water bug.  I shuddered.  I was grateful I saw it before stepping in the tub or putting on the water.

While peeing, I watched it try to climb up the tub, but it kept sliding back down.  It tried many times.  I couldn’t help but relate.  On one hand I was glad it was trapped, so I wouldn’t have a heart attack.  On the other hand, I felt that it was a shitty way for one’s life to end.  I couldn’t help but imagine people trying to climb up something to get out and it being too smooth to grip onto, leaving everyone sliding back down.  I decided I needed to get it out alive somehow.  I didn’t want its life to end there.

At one of my jobs, I shared that I left a water bug in my tub for my friend to get rid of for me later.  A woman, who is very religious and she’d say spiritual, told me I should’ve ran hot water on it.  I was so taken aback.  When I was a child, a cousin and I once poured hot water on ants.  When I told my mother what we did, she, without trying to make me feel bad at all, told me, “Even the tiniest things have feelings.”  I remember asking her about all the ants we must step on when we walk, and she distinguished that as being quick and unavoidable and not slow and painful.  My mother was not religious at all and was the most humane person I had ever known.    

My buddy came over that night to help me with an ever-growing list of things I need help with.  The water bug was at the top of the list.  I told him how I felt and wondered if we (really he) could get it out the window.  He said they come from the drain pipes and like water.  He thought it would be better to flush it down the toilet.  I asked, “Will it survive?”  He said, “It might.”  And for my sake, and without judging me but rather understanding how I felt, he tried very hard to get it alive into the toilet bowl.  I heard sounds from him that made me imagine from the other room that the water bug was trying to go on him.

When, years ago, my buddy’s dad passed away, his mom said, “I was lucky to be with such a kind person for as long as I was.”  I feel the same way about my friendship with her son for over 35 years.  (Yes, we have HAPPILY outlasted all romantic relationships on both sides, including my marriage.)