There Are Places Religion Does Not Belong -- Up My Ass Is One Such Place

 

 

At one of my jobs, a religious co-worker decided to make me her project though I’m not sure what part of my behavior drew her to me.  It might be the comedy.  I hang fliers at work flaunting my divorced status in the title Divorced Divas of Comedy.  I warn her not to come to my shows since she doesn’t like curse words.  I’m not sure, but I think even anatomically correct language like vagina and penis are curse words to her.  Like God wants anyone to look at any part of themselves as if it were a curse.  If religion were forced up my ass, I’d probably have lost my relationship with God or never had the freedom to figure out a sense of God for myself.  I understand how so many atheists were once religious.  I can see how that would be a result.

So on one hand she tells me how I’m known for the lives I’ve touched and uplifted amongst the student body at our program.  But somehow I should be asking for forgiveness for saying “fuck.”  So I told her that if I cursed at someone and hurt them, that is not something I’d be proud of, but if I am saying, “I don’t know what the fuck to do,” I don’t want forgiveness.  I told her I wasn’t her religion.  I told her everyone has their own idea of what a sin is.  She doesn’t get it.  She doesn’t get that a belief is not a fact.  She doesn’t get that everyone believes they are right.  She doesn’t get that the job is not the place to be harassing me with scriptures.  I’m not on the fuckin’ train.  So the next day, I hung this above my desk.

If there is a next time, which there might not be because she sees that she created some serious distance between us, I might remind her that I have been penis-free long enough to become a saint in her religion where so much gets determined by what goes on between one’s legs, so if she needs to preach to and reform anyone, she should approach the unmarried fornicators on staff of which there are many.  

I just love when someone with kids from different unions thinks they should preach to me, who had one child when I was in my thirties and married… I mean if we are going to use their ancient standards. 

Meanwhile, from what I’ve learned about the man, Jesus hung with the sex-workers who were honest people and raged at the church-going hypocrites.

 

 

If practicing a religion helps someone, they should do it.  Just like hearing about practicing yoga or going to therapy, I’d be open to hearing about how participating in a religion benefits the person.  But when the person doesn’t know the difference between a set of faith-based beliefs and factual information, it becomes a very irrational conversation I want no part of.  The conversation ended when I got up and walked away.  It was the best statement I could make. 

I hope she likes how my ass looks because she’s going to be seeing it more often, walking away from her.  And I will aim to make it sinfully alluring.

 

 

 

 

 

 

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I’ll be performing stand-up comedy on Saturday, 3/7 in the Unboxed Voices Variety Show at the Parkside Lounge, 317 Houston St., NYC, 7:15-9pm. There will be musicians and burlesque and raffles. No cover.

Happy International Women’s Day on 3/8. 

And now, the moment you were waiting for.  Drumroll please.  The winners of a pair of tickets each to see the play, “Hunter Gatherers” – Powell Burns and Richard Ploetz. 

Tune in next week for a contest to win tickets to “Clinton The Musical.”