I'm A Snob By Rhonda Hansome

I started

with a 2 room leak 

in my new place. 

Yes Dear Readers, when I divorced in 2004, I left the center of the universe - A.K.A.  

and returned to the turf of my birth. While trying to make sense of being alone for the 1st time in my life, I walked familiar streets. I'd jumped Double Dutch on Gates Ave. and played tag in Fulton Park.

Fast forward decades as a new chapter of adult life is written on Brooklyn streets I'd skipped as child. 

What's this shape shifting in front of my eyes? Skinny jeans and New Yorker reviewed restaurants on Halsey St.? When did BK aquire the palpable cache of hipster captial of the world? All the more surreal as gentification

 kicked me out of 

"I don't see black people!"

After an 8 month soul shattering search for a new place to live, May 2014, I set down stakes in an outpost that made friends and strangers sigh with gratitude; they were not in my shoes nor my hood.

Shell shocked, I moved in & found my inner snob. Nothing met with my approval. Every grimy litter strewn, dog doo bedecked block beckoned my disdain. Where do they come from? All these broken blinds clinging precariously to windows, as if in defiance; or is it fear they'll be replaced with a Spongebob beach towel? The language of shop signs and passerbys is not my own. I moved to another borough, another country. 

When I looked in the mirror and saw...

or a sign on my forehead...

 

I started a regimen of brainwashing / double speak. Cancel, "I hate this place."  Repeat, "I love my apartment."  Delete, "What filthy streets." Insert, "The neighborhood is colorful." .

By

I could actually smile when I put my key in the door. Thanks to help of friends & family, I was finally at peace with the comfy order that greeted me once I closed the door.
What's that? Did I hear I hear, pip... pip... pip? Where is that tic... tic... tic coming from? Open the closet, 

Empty the closet. Move the furniture away from the walls.

9 months after putting down stakes I see water damage in 2 rooms & a cluttered chaos like I just move in. Is that mold I smell or just my contempt for these walls?

Did I mention I've had a coughing - achy thing going on since 

Well thanks to the codeine cough syrup & antibiotics I begged for & got, I may be feeling up to par next week. To see, check out my next blog.

Rhonda Hansome is an actor, writer/director & teaching artist. Click here & see where she does stand-up comedy.