Did ya ever want to just call your job and say:
- I can't come in today. My ass is broken.
OR
- I can't come in today. My spirit is crushed.
OR
- I can't come in today. I was doing yoga, and my big toe is stuck up my ass.
OR
- I can't make it in today. The weight of modern society has dragged me down.
OR
- I won't be in. I'm way too orgasmic to go to work today.
OR
- Turrets kicking in, ya phony bastard. So I am calling in sick, condescending bigoted asshole. You disgust me on so many levels. Have a good day. Shit fuck. See you tomorrow, God willing.
Wow, you have a job...
I have wanted to say so much more than that, but it's like giggling in church...once you start it ends up an avalanche.