Words Don’t Make It So
One night a young man in my neighborhood with his pants
hanging below his ass looked at me and said, “I’m forty.” Poof!
I was supposed to go, “Oh then let’s go out. It doesn’t matter that you don’t look 40, act
40, have the money of a 40-year-old, have any maturity whatsoever. You say you are 40, and that’s all that
matters.”
A teacher I worked with, who students warned me not to promote
anyone to unless they are very secure and thick-skinned, announced, “I’m very
sensitive.” She displayed that
sensitivity when I shared with her how a student described a molestation she experienced
by her building’s super. The “sensitive”
teacher yelled, “That never happened!”
(I’m so glad for the students that she is not insensitive. Imagine how that would sound!)
Recently, a man who posts barely clad “chicks” on motorcycles,
watches the kind of porn that makes us cringe instead of get turned on, and
never learned how to seduce a woman told me he is a feminist. I should have just laughed. But I wasn’t tickled. I was disturbed by what some will say to
score points. I tend to get insulted
like it is a statement about me and my intelligence. But it really is a statement about them and
their self-delusion.
Apparently, since he doesn’t agree with physical abusiveness,
he believes he’s a feminist. Most of my
traditional uncles were not physically abusive at all. Yet none would say they are a feminist. They just aren’t the scum of the Earth. We didn’t give out medals and pussy to men
who were decent and had enough self-respect to respect someone else. It was the standard. The men who were abusive were the ones who
stood out as different. Unfortunately, I
think the “feminist” man comes from where men who don’t abuse stand out.
Once I put up a posting about how little girls shouldn’t be
called bossy but rather as showing great leadership skills. This guy argued throughout the thread at how
he’s been called bossy. Typical
“feminist” reaction, huh. This
“feminist” didn’t see the need to level the playing field.
He is the only “feminist” I ever met who is so sure he will
offend me that he has told me to stay away from his Facebook wall, to visit but
ignore most things, to understand that it is all just humor. In other words, if it offends, it’s just a
joke. Can’t you take a joke? Where’s your sense of humor? He has no idea how he makes himself
look. No real feminist offends me. They provide air, so I can breathe in spite
of the patriarchal pollution.
The only feminist-related impact this man has had since I know
him is make me search for my inner lesbian.
And that was unintentional on his part.
Just trying to breathe the air...
Mindy, thank you for being a tireless voice for women. We need more women like you.
slow on the exhale...
Lisa, there are. Let them know how much you appreciate them. It helps counter the many times we are called extreme, too much, angry, bitchy, needing to "learn to be a woman," man-haters, ...
the thing is, I know and appreciate men who get it, who understand that if you want a safe, loving, fair planet for your daughter, sister, mother, you have to help contribute to such an atmosphere which may mean telling one's "bro" that they are acting like a threatened a-hole and should check themselves. I actually know men who are heterosexual and not afraid of their own so-called "feminine" side and it makes them so much stronger in the real way (not just the showy macho way).
Way to channel that inner lesbian! ~S
Samantha, I haven't been doing anything for that inner lesbian who is probably about 12 years old. But nothing is going on for the hetero either, so it's even. Right now, I'm still catching up on me... wherever that will lead.