When we left off last time: Twinkie Byrd’s question put a halt to my
stroll down memory lane. She had spent
the first four minutes of our five minute session making numerous notations on
my newly revamped resume like a proctor grading an error ridden test
paper. Twinkie spoke and silenced the
seven voices (I acknowledge) in my head.
Their yammering quieted quickly as they sensed my humiliation in the
offing, much like sharks sense blood in the water.
The stealth of the casting director’s question was
in its simplicity: “Where do you see yourself?” I’m not quite sure if I spluttered, laughed or
farted as I stalled for time with a goofy look on my face.
Did the multiplication table just challenge my math anxiety ass to a Calculus Olympiad? Cheeze ‘n
crackers! Who knew there would be a quiz
at this five minute interview? “Where do
I see myself?” I should know the answer to this question! Out of the blue in my mind and heretofore
unknown, a shy acne scarred pre-teen bespectacled voice, from behind a volume
of the collected works of Guy de Maupassant, whispered “Ask Twinkie what she
means.” I coaxed the goofy look off my face and feigned an
air of normalcy
“What do you mean where do I see myself?”
Twinkie regarded me with a glance reserved for those
recognized with Asperger syndrome
“In what television shows do you see yourself cast?”
Okay, I got this now!
“I see myself as a comedy sketch player, a second
banana to a comedy star…”
She interrupted me
“Like Vicki Laurence on the Carol Burnett Show?”
I sighed with relief. She got me! My head nodded as a smile approach my lips
“Yes!”
Twinkie hid exasperation well…
“That show hasn’t been on the air in twenty
years.”
“What shows do you watch?”
Totally misunderstanding the question I answered
truthfully with an animated litany, literally
“Family Guy, Archer, American Dad, Bob’s Burgers … and
the Daily Show.”
“Do you have cable?”
“Not any premium channels.”
With a barely perceptible note of dismissal she said
“Don’t worry about the cost, get those premium
channels now and watch to see what roles you’d be cast in. Make these changes
in your resume. And follow @CarleaseBurke on twitter.”
Don’t worry about the cost? I don’t even DVR because of the extra cost. I have to buy premium cable channels to tell
you what roles I should be cast in?
Carlease Burke
Carla Renata
Yvette Nicole Brown
and a bunch of other
working black actresses, I don’t even know about because I can’t afford Starz,
are doing the roles in which I’d be cast AND why the fuck should I follow Carlease??? – I silently fulminated.
"Thank you."
I said aloud as I clutched my freshly disfigured resume, choked back a tear, my ego and somehow found the door to exit the tiny studio where I
thought my life might change.
Uber Casting Director
Twinkie
Byrd
really did change my life because I now have to:
- Think about myself in this century because nobody cares or remembers that I killed on Arsenio Hall’s FIRST talk show and toured opening for divas Ross and Baker.
- I have to search beneath the surface of my stock answers twenty years old.
- I have to wake up from dreams of an uninterrupted flow of film and TV residual checks flooding my mailbox
- Look at my industry as the vastly changed landscape it is.
- I have to ring in on the Double Jeopardy answer revealed to me in the past five minutes.
For $8.00 @ minute Alex, what is…
Starting
All Over Again From The Middle?
Oh Rhonda how frustrating! This whole business is like that! Well at least we like the same tv shows!
I love the "goofy" look on your face. I really do like that shot. You look like you are about to say something funny. As far as Twinkie goes, well they are going to get discontinued I believe. But you don't hear rumors about Rhondas or Mindys getting discontinued. Soooooooooo, fuck 'em. You got a bunch of blog entries out of the five expensive minutes.
I see you as who that lady and the many faces of that so fuuny lady. I know some time ago tt looked like your world stopped you had other things to do. One day you got throw back in the real world and have been swimming up stream to get back to the place where you can be happy again. You will make it you got the hart and soul to make it. You are one funny lady and you tell the world about it one day at a time.
Keep writing, keep writing, keep writing. I love it! I love to chuckle with you. A breathe of fresh air.
I agree with all of the above. Really blows. Please keep on keeping on. Your goofy look is I'm gonna let you have it smart, scrutinizing, and beautiful.
I love those pics!!!! I used to play pretend with my friends and I'd be "Mama" and my friend would be "Eunice" and our guy friend would be "Ed". xoxo ~S