When we left off last week: During my expensive one-on-one session with
the Casting Director at the top of my “To Meet, Impress, And Star In Her Next
Project” list, my thoughts wandered in my head like an unleashed puppy in a
brisket boutique.
Even with random bouts of severe childhood
asthma I’d never missed a day of school or assignment from kindergarten to 8th
grade. I had been not just a girl scout
but my troop leader.
“Always be prepared”, was more than a motto, for me it
was a way of life. So why today was I
not prepared for my appointment with this woman, Twinkie Byrd who on IMDb has
33 films listed after her designation, Casting Director? Do I present a 2 minute monologue, dazzle her in
a-be-myself interview or ace a cold reading for my few minutes with Twinkie? Yes, Twinkie is her name – google her! I
was flummoxed by her cool, commanding beauty and distracted by the silence that
consumed the tiny studio in which we sat. She finally stopped marking my resume
which under her pen began to look like a Basquiat reproduction.
Hold up, hold up!
Did she just ask me where I saw myself?
“In the scene when a Fellini movie gets really weird?” would have escaped my lips if I’d not been
preoccupied with a fulminating stroll down memory
(If /Then) lane.
If after yet another 2nd (or 3rd!)
meeting regarding collaborating with a writer, I finally mentioned a Letter Of
Agreement and got a baffled expression in response or if one more person (who
asked me to direct her project) said, “Oh, I’ve never paid a director
before.” I was going to; well really
Passion (not just another one of seven voices in my head, but a fully
functioning physical manifestation of a theater director diva with her own
business cards, curriculum vitae and website: www.DirectedByPassion.com) Passion was going to throw that AUDELCO Board of Directors Outstanding Pioneer Award out the window. Wait, that can’t happen because I never actually got the physical Outstanding Pioneer Award! Outstanding is great! Award is great! Was it the word pioneer that made the accolade sound like I was an ancient
theatrical Harriet Tubman?
Yes, like TV adds 10 pounds, the honor of pioneer
adds three decades. But leave it to my
lack of daddy love to compel my accepting the tribute, mostly to get a long
coveted football size crystal like gewgaw engraved with my name. I stuffed my ambivalent feelings about the
AUDELCO Award in my rococo emotional armoire, already filled with conflicting
sentiments, regrets and unanswered questions about my father; like who is he,
why did he abandon me, and how 40 years later do I finally get the court
appointed child support from a man who’s been dead and buried for more than a
decade?
I navigated the twinkling staircase on the stage of
Harlem’s premiere performance space, Aaron Davis Hall (now Harlem Stage) in
front of hundreds in the audience to receive my award. No one actually mentioned to me or to the
fashionably attired thespian filled auditorium, what I’d done to achieve the
status of Outstanding Pioneer. Most of
these theater folk didn’t even know I did stand-up comedy, and here I was on
stage overwhelmed by the (long desired and yet now surprisingly) vague recognition Passion
was finally receiving from her theater community. More importantly, that jewel faceted award,
that I had viewed with envy in the home or office of a black glitterati, would be concrete confirmation of my stellar sensibilities
as a director.
Little did I know, the ceremonial object I got on
stage was purely ceremonial. With applause resounding, I exited to the
wings and the glittering bauble was snatched from my hands by a harried assistant
stage manager. In a surreal flash I went
from being overcome with gratitude to WTF???
Stunned and empty handed I somehow found my way home with no engraved
gem like AUDELCO Award, no plaque, not
even a paper certificate saying the honor had been bestowed. Twinkie’s repeated question brought my
attention back to the present and our interview. “Where do I see myself?” Empty handed, on the sidelines, in the dust
watching erstwhile comedy pals
get guffaws and applause on TV.
To
be continued…
You are among the very best who takes the sting out of evil doings whose humor helps others find strength in their own truth.
the father thing -- we are again sisters.
Twinkies are a thing of the past. Passion knows no bounds!!
Fabulous... Written with so much passion.