US History 101

By Samantha DeRose

Conversations with a Significant Other Who is not From this Country, Part 1:

Non-Native-Born-American:  Hey, I just read an article about that Lincoln chap.

Native-Born-American:  Huh?

NNBA: That Abraham Lincoln chap.  Seems he was a bit of an ahhsshole.

NBA:  WHAT?!?!

NNBA:  Yes.  I just read an interview with Daniel Day Lewis who played him in the movie.  He said he was an ahhsshole and deserved what he got.

NBA:  Um, I've read quite a few biographies on Lincoln and I've never heard anything like that.

NNBA:  Well, that's not what it says in this ah-ticle.

NBA:  Give me that.  What are you reading?  YOU'RE READING THE ONION.  YOU REALIZE THIS IS A FAKE NEWS WEBSITE?

NNBA:  So he wasn't an ahhsshole?

NBA:  Do we have anything stronger than wine?