I SURVIVED BIKE WEEK!

By Lisa Harmon, Biker Comic

I survived Daytona Bike Week! With the Super! Just made it! Do you want to talk about drowning in testosterone? Yesterday the Super said to me, “You’re hard core.” That’s right, even he had to recognize. We really ride! We put seven hundred and sixty miles on that rented Harley. Five hundred was the round trip from Ft. Lauderdale to Ormond-By-The-Sea where our hotel was. We packed a week’s worth of activities into three days and we ate more pork sandwiches than is humanly possible.

We just did the two hundred and fifty mile return trip today. That’s why my blog is so late! I apologize.

The only thing that sustains you on a long motorcycle ride up 95 North is the modern retro-oasis known as Cracker Barrel. I’m pretty sure the whole reason I agreed to do the ride was so I could eat at Cracker Barrel and peruse all the stuff they have to buy there. I never buy anything at the store anyway, except sometimes some Buckeyes, but traveling with saddle bags means no extras and unpredictable weather means no chocolate! Damn!

Well we made it to Daytona, went to our hotel room and turned on the heat. No, that’s not a sexy euphemism. We turned the heat on, to eighty. Heat is an integral part of a motorcycle vacation in March in Daytona Beach. I have never attended a warm bike week, though I’ve heard tell of them. I don’t really believe it. We froze our asses off.

The next day the temperature dropped, but we rode the entire day. By 7:30 we were finishing dinner about twenty-five miles from our hotel and only six miles from an open mic. I wanted to do it and meet some local comics but when I found out that the mic wasn’t till nine o’clock, I cancelled. The thought of riding over thirty miles back at ten or eleven at night gave us chills on top of our chills.

Our room was right on the beach and we had beautiful views of the crazies wearing their bathing suits and swimming in the fifty degree weather. Our hotel was great, clean, and included free breakfast, and best of all lots and lots of HEAT.

Thankfully it warmed up the next day and I was ready for an iced coffee. Off to McDonald’s. Back in the day, it was near impossible to find iced coffee on vacation. If there were no Dunkin Donuts’ there were no iced coffees. Finally McDonald’s has it, and you can get good iced coffee anywhere. I mean, anyplace will make it for you - they’ll pour hot coffee over ice, but that tastes like crap. I got to McDonald’s and got my delicious iced coffee but more than that, I came away from McDonald’s with an answer to that age old question: Is the Shamrock Shake minty or just a vanilla shake with food coloring in it? Turns out, it is minty. I may have to order one someday but for now my curiosity is satisfied. I ask the hard-hitting questions my reader(s) want to know! You’re welcome.

The second half of our vacation starts now, the family half. If a week of bike fumes, macho jerks, freezing temperatures and deep-fried foods doesn’t get you, three days with family surely will. Stay tuned next week - for vacation, part two. This time its personal!