What you or I think is SEXY does not make any sense. SEXY is not rational, it’s chemical. It’s a trigger word, gesture, feature, or pheromone that ignites a biochemical/psychosexual response, akin to hypnotism, to which the only proper response is, Uhuh…OK…
That's why I hate Sophia Vergara. She has the power to hypnotize me!
…It does not matter that I can’t understand half of what she is saying, my only response to her is, (heavy breathing and) Uhuh…OK...
Hating
a SEXY Woman is
one thing, but I really, really hate a SEXY Man!
One
day because of a SEXY Man I was on my knees, naked and happy - in a
closet. To this day, I don’t know
who owned the closet or why there was a mini
fridge in there.
SEXY Man (in closet doorway): You want me don’t you?
Me: Uhuh…
SEXY Man: Crawl into
the closet and lean over the mini fridge.
Me: OK…
On rainy days, my knees deliver a bittersweet reminder of that
mini fridge action.
I hate a SEXY Man, because I lose time day dreaming what I
want to do with/to him. I lost three
days this week just dreaming about holding onto Barack Obama’s ears.
Sometimes he be looking like a black James Bond,
and
working that leader of the free world, sexy
nerd vibe until
all I want to say is, Uhuh…OK…
SEXY POTUS: You want
to hold my ears don’t you.
Me: Uhuh…
SEXY POTUS: Civilians will die from drones I drop on
Afghanistan, Yemen, Somalia and Pakistan.
Me: OK…
SEXY POTUS: You know,
I
can target by drone, an American citizen for death without justifiable evidence.
Me: Uhuh…
SEXY POTUS: Crawl on over
here and hold my ears.
Me (heavy breathing and on all fours): OK…
SEXY just does not make sense. It's not supposed to I guess. Just
show me your premature Nobel Peace Prize, sign the National
Defense Authorization Act, allow domestic military
surveillance of non -“specifically identified” people and I’m down on all
fours.
Ouch, I
need a better pair of knee-pads to love hating this SEXY Man.
You make me fart! I love this I love you AAAAAAHUUUUUUUUUUGHHHH I will call you I haven't met Sophia Vergara as yet, But I can assure you Beyonce is so jealous of me!
ReplyDeletethat was funny.
ReplyDeleteWay, way hilarious---- because it is so true!
ReplyDeleteSister, tell me about it! I am a complete slave to the sexy man. Lord help me.
ReplyDeleteHA! I can relate. Looking for some satisfaction, I once comforted a SEXY Man after he told me he was a misanthrope and he didn't know why people resented him just because he hated them. Then he declared that the absolute worst thing any human can go through is a celebrity intervention, and he, a self-anointed hero,(more like an unrepentant addict who couldn't remember any of the bad behavior his peers asked him to own up to)had survived this ordeal, poor baby. I cradled him and his hubris -- I was filled with hate/love/LUST. You can guess who this was. And YES, it was worth it.
ReplyDeleteOh, and I excitedly await the first Drone Sex Toy. And politically, I agree, this sucks. For Potus-Coitus (plus the Clinton non-sex) action, you will need the latest most protective army-issue knee pads.
ReplyDeleteI thought I was the only one that was a lil pissed at Obama. Thank you for noticing he's not as great as everyone's making out. Nice way to bring it up at the end! I enjoyed this a lot.
ReplyDeleteA) I think the Pres is too cool for school. I <3 him
ReplyDeleteB) I wish I could wear dresses the way those women do.
~Samantha
Thanks to all for noticing & leaving comments!
ReplyDeleteGod DAMN, I get this. I get you. The reply on anything from a sexy person is so freakin' universal...."Uhuh". How many of us have said this, and very hilarious was your reference to the reminder each rainy day. POTUS is 007 and when he sings a little, I turn to fluid. If my knees were any weaker... Great blog.
ReplyDelete