Darn!

by Rhonda Hansome

So I was darning my thong. “Darn you thong, darn you!”  Yes that’s right, I took needle & thread to a few erstwhile unmentionables.  If you follow me, @RhondaHansome, on twitter (I thank you* for your slave like attention to my every tweet, your well-chosen retweets and quick witted - 140 character or less – replies) then you know my income and I are doing a trial separation, hence the economically driven thong darning.  If you don’t follow me on twitter, you must do so immediately or be forever bereft of my haiku like musings on world politics, rollerblading and my allergy to cats.

Darning my thong is a productive activity and makes me feel like I’ve stolen a moment from the last century.  My mind is focused in an almost meditative way on mending the delicate lace that, if left unattended, unravels like cotton candy in a hurricane.  I sit quietly engaged in the womanly art of sewing and for seven, almost eight minutes I examine my life.  Yes Dear Reader* while darning my thong, I contemplate life’s turns and if a tear glistens in my eye, it’s probably the result of an errant aim with my needle; not some longing for the unattainable or will never be.

I admire my handiwork and feel frugal; aww shit there’s that damn glistening again… I’ll just pause for a minute and stuff those god forsaken feelings back down and into place where they skulk about waiting for any opportunity to escape – much like my muffin top.  Ahem, as I was saying, I admire my handiwork, feel frugal, composed and ready to meet the challenges before me, like cajoling a room full of strangers to laughter. 

It’s not the most comfortable feeling and yet I love the experience, much like wearing a thong.

Join me and some of the funniest needles in the haystack, when I headline Stand-UP for ESTRO this Saturday at 10 PM, Nov, 17^th.   Buy your ticket now http://estrogenius.org/stand-up-for-estro/ or pay your five dollars at the door of TBG, 312 W. 36^th St. 3^rd Fl.  Get high volume fun while feeling thrifty.  You’ll laugh ‘til you cry and you’ll know I’m wearing a thong.

* All 3 of you