One day last year for whatever
reason, a co-worker, who is higher ranking than I am, announced at the job that
she never thinks about what she is going to wear to work, not one thought. That
sounded very strange to me. When the word 'never' is used, it usually isn't
true. And why would she want to have us think that? Made no sense to me. Her
clothes don't clash. Seemed like she had the light on and looked in the mirror.
I should mention that this person,
probably unaware of what she puts out there, has said hello to me on more than
one occasion in a tone of voice that said, 'What the fuck are YOU doing
here?"
I’ve known people who gave no
thought when getting dressed, and they never announced it. They looked it. One
showed up at work with two different shoes on.
So I figured this announcement meant
something else that she was trying to say. One week later, I had to come in on
a Saturday for a special event. I was going to be in a skit requiring special
make-up, so I didn't wear my regular make-up on my way in. The person the event
was for had just been shitty to me the day before and, it seemed because I said
I wasn't being treated fairly, wasn't talking to me. I was not worried about
looking pretty. I was pissed. Yet the skit was something that was supposed to
be fun and would be anyway because I was in it with one of my favorite
co-workers and the script was hilarious. On my way in, I ran into the woman who
declared she doesn't give one thought to what she wears to work. She stood in
front of me and said, "Appearance. Nothing's more important than
appearance."
The other day she complimented a
jacket I have worn for roughly ten years as if she'd never seen it before. Her
tone is what bothers me. Her compliments sound like cover-ups for something
else she's really getting at.
In my life, I have been compared to
the child in the Emperor’s Clothes, so if she needs someone to go along with
her bullshit, she's got the wrong person.
Her own style of dress is rather
asexual. I can appreciate the need a woman may have to present herself that way
in our society, but it doesn't tend to be my style now. I don't mention
anything about how she looks unless I have something positive and sincere to
say. I wear earrings, eye make-up, and lipstick most of the time. She doesn't. For
special occasions, she wears a bit. We are from different worlds in that way. I
often want to give women like that a make-over just so they can see themselves
another way and then do as they wish. She's someone I’d want to see looking
sexually alive for a moment and take a photo to give her as a reminder of her
options.
Much of the time, due to low
finances, I am wearing one of a few pairs of pants and an oversized t-shirt
from when my son wore them that way. I inherited his t-shirts when his style
changed. Sometimes, I am dressed nicer. But either way, I'm with earrings,
eye-makeup, and lipstick. My grandmother would approve. She always said,
"You should wear a little lipstick. You never know who you might
meet."
I loved the part of Erin
Brockovitch when her boss told her that the other women had a problem with
the way she dressed, and she said that she liked the way she dressed just fine.
The thing is, no matter how she dressed, she was going to look sexy because she
is sexy. And those women would spend their energy better looking at
their own estranged sexiness.
So the day of the compliment on my
jacket, I told her I'd been wearing it since my son was a child. She said she
knew and that it was a nice jacket but not an all-season jacket. I said that it
is when I need it to be. Then I just announced, "This is ___ telling me
what to do." Everyone laughed including she. I left.
I'm a grown person and she is not my
mother, yet she annoys me with shit like that. When most others compliment me,
it sounds sincere. With her, it sounds like the beginning of a problem. I feel
my resentment building, and I don't want that to continue. I was thinking I
should put the spotlight back on her somehow. I guess I did that already with
the comment I made. We'll see how long that holds. I also sent her this:
She found it amusing.
I notice that even when I do my job
very well, it is too easy to get into trouble at work. At a larger meeting with
a parent organization, we had to make recordings of ourselves explaining
something. The program I work with did ours as a team, but it was my voice and
thoughts being used. After each group's recordings were played, I was asked how
I sounded so genuine. Don't blurt out the obvious. I know you want to, but
you need your job. Don't say it, Mindy. Think. Do not speak until you think.
So after an awkward silence, I began to speak about having done it as a team
and never answered the question. Of course, I wanted to say that I sound
genuine because I am genuine. And in that one sentence, I would have offended
the entire room.
I end up in problems with people who
ask questions they genuinely think they want answered. I believe it was Plato
who advised, "Know thyself."
I once owned two pairs of identical boots, one in black, one in brown. I wore one brown, one black to work one day. I was the only one who noticed.
I have to go put more make up on now! xoxo ~Samantha
I would think the students would notice and think you are very cool. :-) Thanks for reading.
You have to trust your gut. Whenever I feel someone's a jerk, eventually they prove it. (I too have worn mismatched shoes - by accident.)
She's a true mixed bag. She has had my back too because she values my work. Our basic approach to people and life is very different. What makes me laugh often silences her. What makes her laugh sometimes horrifies me. Yet at work, she's also been great. A very mixed bag.
A friend of mine from the poetry circles sent me a comment she tried to post here but couldn't. I am posting it below:
"I loved it. I tried to post my comment and it would not go through so here it is:
I got fired on one of my first jobs in the business world for not wearing high heels, even though I told the boss that I have flat feet and cannot wear them. Other female bosses have said, your shoes are too casual or your clothes don't match. Finally, the world has caught up to where I always was with the mixing of fabrics, styles, patterns and topping everything off with chukka boots.
Thanks,
Madeline Artenberg