She So Funny

For those of you who don't know, during the day I work at a very high end luxury real estate company called CORE. A featured company on HGTV's show, Selling New York, CORE is the top boutique real estate firm in Manhattan. We currently have a $95 million dollar listing on the market to give you an idea of the level of baller that this company maintains.

I started at CORE as a temp, form there I went to weekend receptionist to weekday receptionist to office assistant to PR assistant to strategy manager for our top agent. I traded my chucks for high heels (that I bought at Forever21). I've been with the company for almost three years and I genuinely adore every single person who works there.

So this agent who has the $95 million dollar listing? Her beautiful family also works with the company and I dated her son for a few months, after which a plethora of material sprouted about him. Among my favorite bits, the "Your Body Is Retarded" joke I do is all this guy. He's a Hampton's type, so of course my Subway Sandwich Dinner Eating self has so many joyous opportunities to make fun of the khaki shorts / pink shirt combos and the loafers and the beautiful eyes and the handsome smile and the... ok I'll shut up.

So I leave work one day to hop on the uptown 6 headed to a show and run into the $95 million dollar beautiful children having agent on the subway. This woman is a true gem, dresses to the 9's, a powerful, smart business woman who you immediately love. I think it's important to note that I've never heard her curse and she says words like "delightful."

"What are you doing heading uptown?!" she asks.

"I'm heading to a comedy show at such and such bar."

"Oh! What time!? My husband and I live right around the corner, we will come!"

"Uh.. oh! ha... oh! ok! Um... ok." (1. I had a lot of funny jokes about her son up my sleeve and 2. how do you talk about banging dudes drunk and picking your nose in front of such a person?)

I arrive at the bar and like most of the bar shows I do, its filled with 20 somethings drinking vodka sprites. This show was pretty packed. I sit in the booth by the stage and in they walk. They sat with me and bought me whiskey on the rocks as we watched THIRTY MINUTES of raunchy, racist, sexist, sets. Of course this would happen to me.

Have you ever had to watch a movie with your parents and come to find there are pornographic scenes and all you want to do is run out of the living room and light up a cigarette? Yeah so times that by 29,108.

It's my turn to go up, and I do exactly the material I intended on doing. Luckily, it went over really well. Unluckily, I had so many whiskey on the rocks that I bursted out "HEY THOSE JOKES WERE ABOUT YOUR SON LOLZ HAHAH RIGHT?!?!" To my surprise, they laughed so hard they almost fell over.

Moral of the story: Rich people have a sense of humor too. Who knew? Love you richiez. And one day I hope to join your club.