“See, you actually desire to lick a vagina. I can’t say I really desire to suck a dick,”
I told my buddy. “I have to really be
into somebody to want to do that, and even then, it is to give him pleasure and
not because my tongue actually craves to feel the ripples of some wrinkly
dick.”
We laughed.
“Do you think that means I'm gay? It’s not like I ever longed to have a vagina
that way either.”
“I always thought you were heterosexual. I don’t think you chose it. Given how many men are assholes, I don’t think
you are happy about it. You just are
it.”
“I guess.
Sometimes I wonder if I was meant to be heterosexual. I don’t think I’m homosexual either. I think I’m nomosexual.”
“Nomosexual?”
“That’s right.
No-mo’-sexual. And I don’t mean
it like ‘no homo’; I mean no mo’!...”
“…at least for now.”
My buddy gave me half of his
challah bread from Trader Joe’s. It is
just one of many nurturing things we do for each other. I munched on challah bread as we watched some
of the weather warnings and election headlines.
“Just when I am enjoying total
freedom to listen to what my vagina and I want, I have to worry about the Mormon
church running the country.” 
“I can’t believe he could
win.”
“Yeah well Bain Capitol owns some
of the voting machines. Why is that
allowed?”
“That’s the problem right
there. They allow that which should
never be entertained for a moment.”
“You aren’t allowed to enter a
sweepstakes if a family member works for one of their subsidiaries. But you can own voting machines and run for
president.”
My buddy shook his head. His father fought for this country, and not
for the likes of Romney to take over.
“I don’t know what I’ll do if they
get in power. They can’t say ‘vagina’
but insist on ruling vagina. I don’t
understand how someone, who clearly didn’t pass high school biology in any
meaningful way where you learn about ovulation and ‘that whole thing’ that
doesn’t shut down at will, is permitted to run for presidency. Aren’t
there educational requirements? They
test teachers and expect them to know all kinds of shit. The super of my building had to pass a test
in English in order to keep his job that he was already doing. 
I think it is reasonable to expect
a president of our nation to know how the population grows and what is needed
to have a healthy population. Certainly
forcing rape victims to love babies is not the path. What I know about this Republican party is
they are not comfortable with truth telling, with most non-white people, and
with free-roaming vagina.”
*self-determined; acting on the exclusive wishes of
its biological owner to engage in sexual activity, to not engage in sexual
activity, to have babies, to not have babies, and all things vaginal.
This should have been the end of the story, but I'm adding it as a comment. My buddy, after reading this, said, "Free-roaming vagina tastes the best."
I take his word.
Well put Mindy!