SSF El Al Security

By Rhonda Hansome

I'd heard about Israeli airline security.  They are trained to notice the most subtle changes in body language, like pupil dilatation, shift of breathing pattern or the slight adjustment of an underwear bomb.  I arrived at the airport and in my haste bypassed the restroom - big mistake since I'd had a tall drink of water just before leavind the house - and headed straight to El Al security.  The highly trained officer requested my passport and studied my every gesture.

I don't know what I looked like as I considered his scientifically worded questions, but my bladder was doing the Macarena. 

He asked, "Did you pack a weapon?"
I wondered, did I pack a candlestick?  That works for Col. Mustard in the library.  Did  I pack a frozen leg of lamb?  Blunt force to the head then eat the evidence!  What does a comedian reply when asked, "Did you pack a weapon?"  I said, "Only my explosive personality!

He said "Follow me."
I was pretty worried, but with very little cause.  He led me straight to the ladies room where I really needed be, handed me my passport and said, "Have a good trip!"

Those El Al security guys  are good...