She So Funny

Everyone dreams of participating in the Olympics at some point in their life, right?  Or maybe that’s just me.   Every Olympic year, during the 3 weeks that the games are televised, my personal workouts get a little harder…because I still dream of competing.  Gina Davis competed when she was 72…why can’t I?

I was a gymnast for 14 years…I wasn’t good.  I was fat.  But, fuck me, I gave it my fat ass all…kind of.  There was one meet where I blew chalk in a judges face, then proceeded to act like a monkey on the uneven bars.  I almost broke my neck doing a back tuck in my floor exercise (which was to the Ghostbusters theme song and I danced like Janet Jackson during most of the routine).  I was actually decent on vault and beam…I took those events semi seriously (which meant I actually got on those apparatuses during practice.  Typically during practices, I would join the wrestlers during their mat time). 

What it really comes down to is…I hate the whole “practice makes perfect” bullshit.  I’d much rather compete and fuck the preparation.  I am still that way when it comes to comedy.  I would rather run head first into a brick wall, than go to an open mic to practice.  Open mics have been some of the worst experiences I have ever had.  Imagine a room full of people who hate themselves hating you as well.  It’s some of the most toxic energy ever.  Open mics are the Chernobyl s of the soul(s).   I digress.

What I've been trying to say is that I hope to one day make it to the big stage.  If I start running now, I might make it to Rio by 2016 (assuming that the world doesn’t end 12-21-12….that’s an entire blog post in itself).