She So Funny

by Samantha DeRose

I Love Lucy. Rhoda. Mary Tyler Moore. Little House on the Prairie. The Love Boat. Mork and Mindy. Happy Days. Good Times. What’s Happenin’. This was the wholesome array of programming that I was raised on as a child. To say that the evolution of television programming has been horrifying would be an understatement.

I just finished performing in a show and one hilarious comedian, Christine Grillon, made reference to Honey Boo Boo Child. I’m not sure how many of you are familiar with reality TV, but Here Comes Honey Boo Boo is a new series that is a spin off...nay, a spiraling downward off... reality show of Toddlers and Tiaras. Toddlers and Tiaras, my friends, is a reality show that “showcases the competitive world of” the child beauty pageant circuit.

“On what channel,” you ask? TLC. THE LEARNING CHANNEL. I’m not certain of what it is that we’re actually learning here. Perhaps to stay away from middle America?

Aside from the show’s bizzaro, creepy ick factor featuring those little plastic creatures that have abnormally large heads with Barbie hair bobbling atop those teensie sequined bodies, lips besmeared with Whatever Happened to Baby Jane lipstick, and dead eyes that look like they’ve been painted on by some twisted doll maker...aside from that, it’s a showcase of child abuse.

 

But there’s something about the whole Honey Boo Boo Child entourage that gives me nightmares. Picture Deliverance meets Paula Deen.

 

 I’m not sure who is more disturbing. Honey Boo Boo Child herself or her mama, self-proclaimed “Coupon Queen.” I s’pose it’s not Honey Boo Boo’s fault that she’s been molded into the tiny freak show that she’s become. A lifetime of feeding on Go-Go juice is enough to make any future pole-dweller a bit diff’rnt.

When it comes to HBB’s mama, I’m guessing what does it for me is a combination of the good, motherly advice that she gives her children in conjunction with the fact that the extreme couponer serves roadkill to her young’uns for dinner while the pet pig, Glitzy, squeezes a coily on the kitchen table.



I’m wondering if the inventors of the television, Charles Francis Jenkins and Philo Farnsworth, had ever envisioned that their beloved screen would display the likes of Honey Boo Boo child et al. It’s a far cry from Mary Tyler Moore but then again. It’s material.  Mister GRAANNNT!