A surprisingly large percentage of the population suffers
from drug addiction, sex addiction, or addiction to stealing underwear from the
Victoria Secret at the mall (let's be honest, that's not hard to do).
I... Am addicted to Popsecret Homestyle Popcorn. No, seriously
I am addicted. I average about a bag a day for the last 8ish years. It's
terrible and I feel the need to write a blog entry about it. Popsecret
Homestyle popcorn is the light of my life. It makes any bad day into popcorn
time. "It TASTES SO FREAKING GOOD..." is the sentence I utter every
single time I eat it. I carry a bag in my purse in case I sleep over someone
else's house, I keep a bag in my desk at work, and I light up every time I turn
the corner of the popcorn aisle and I see that they have Homestyle flavor.
It's the perfect combination of butter and salt. A
beautiful long lasting marriage of corn kernels and magic. And if you try to
pull one of those "Um, like, Krystyna... Like, popcorn is like so bad for
your stomach it's like, really not good to eat that much," I will tell you
to shove your comments about what I should and shouldn't do up your ass.
For Christmas, my boyfriend got me the most beautiful
vintage coat, vintage hats, Darrel Hammond's book... And a suitcase. Filled.
With 6-PACK boxes. Of. Popsecret. Homestyle. Popcorn. I cried when I opened it.
The point is... Popsecret Homestyle Popcorn is all I have
when I'm feeling depressed/ugly/not funny/broke/anxious. It's been there for me
since my teens.
Lorne Michaels actually has his assistants pop him fresh
popcorn every day when he is working at SNL, so maybe popcorn enthusiasm, as I
like to call it, is indicative of comic genius. I'd like to think so.
Charlie Sheen is addicted to tiger blood.
Robert Palmer is addicted to love.
I'm addicted to Popsecret Homestyle Popcorn.
Sadder things have happened. Life goes on.
^That would be a photo taken of my pantry in my apartment.
I snorted out loud reading this in summer school