Krystyna's First Time

I really wish someone could have told me about open mics when I decided that stand up comedy was the logical route for me. My first time happened when I was 21 and somehow on the receiving end of a "bringer show" email list from Broadway Comedy Club. I got confused, agreed to participate in the show, and literally urinated in my jeans while having a panic attack minutes before going on stage, in front of friends and family who thought my career ambitions were "adorable."

Let me back up.

I transferred from Penn State (aka Disney Land for young, freedom seeking, cheap-vodka-drinking teens) to Marymount Manhattan College so that I could be in a BFA acting program. I'd always wanted to be a mix between Angelina Jolie and Gilda Radnor (I know... Opposite ends of the spectrum). My MAIN reason for transferring was that I wanted to intern for Saturday Night Live. Like many, I am an SNL freak. Its one of the few things I nerd out on. I figured, if I interned for the show, then obviously Lorne Michaels would meet me, love me, and see that I'm a modern day Gilda and immediately throw me into a sketch. (...ha)

I eventually ended up interning for SNL but the only interaction I had with Lorne was in a stairwell during a dress rehearsal. I almost spilled my coffee on his shoes and went to the ladies room afterwards to cry and slap myself in the face.

At one of the after-after parties that I so eagerly attended every show week at 3:30AM, I asked John Lutz, a writer for the show at the time, what the hell I had to do to be a part of the show. He simply said, "Do stand-up." So when I got that email from Broadway Comedy Club, it was fate. Despite the fact that the idea of doing stand-up gave me instant diarrhea.

Apparently, its a good idea to establish your comedic rhythm, do a ton of open mics, and grasp the structure of a joke before attempting stand up comedy. ESPECIALLY at a show people pay $12 to attend with a two drink minimum.

I think my jokes were about how ridiculous judge shows on TV were (ie: Judge Judy and Judge Mathis). I mean... They ARE ridiculous but as it turns out, people won't laugh at you for casually spouting your poorly thought out, dumb ass opinions.

Despite my failed attempt at George Carlin level hilarity, I immediately learned a very important lesson (get ready for the Lifetime Network moral of the story): being horrified of something and then actually doing it... feels unreal. And I finally left my husband who beat me. JK.

I was born a fairly confident female, but overcoming that first hurdle of getting off my ass and onto a stage made me feel on top of the world. It immediately turned into a fierce determination to be clever and funny which I'm still trying to figure out.