She So Funny

Everyone always tries to blame Ambien for horrible mistakes.  Kerry Kennedy, for example, was recently charged with driving under the influence of drugs, after she hit a tractor trailer on I-684.  She claims that Ambien "made her do it".  Tiger Woods blamed Ambien for all of his affairs (actually, he only blamed Ambien his "car accident").  In 2008, a securities firm's CEO blamed Ambien for his car accident (his blood alcohol level was over .08 - which is legally drunk in New York).  I blame Ambien for a lot of things - like, helping me mistake my closet for my bathroom while in an Ambien sleep walk. Or, waking up in the morning with an empty casserole dish of last night's lasagna beside me - after an night of Ambien eating.  But, I don't blame Ambien for bad or reckless behavior.

This is an example of an Ambien conversation that I had with my husband one night (he told me about it the next morning):

My husband came home from work to find me asleep on the couch. He said, "you should be in bed". To which, I sat upright and began bawking like a chicken.

Husband: For real, go to bed.

Me: Bawk-bawk-bawk.

Husband: Go to bed.

Me: Bawk-Bawk!! Oh wait, I got a check in the mail today.

I ran to the kitchen table, picked up a pile of papers, ran into the office and threw them (like a bowling ball) under the desk. Then proceeded to bawk the remainder of the way to bed.

I received no check in the mail that day.